The Language of Love

Soon after I started dating my husband, his grandma came to visit from Argentina. Abuela America, or abuela Ica as we call her, embraced me from the moment I saw her. With hugs and kisses, and a slew of Spanish that I couldn't understand. Her rolling R's and thick Italian sounding Spanish was mixed with smiles and giggles as she touched my hair and held my hand. Her love was given to me from the moment I met her. She returned to the states a couple years later for our wedding. Again, she embraced me as her own grandchild and lovingly hugged and kissed me, and spoke endless Spanish to me that I couldn't understand! But there was one thing I could understand, this woman loved Jesus. I watched her pray, and worship in church.  Her eyes often filled with tears as she went to the Father in fervent prayer. His glory and love was real and very important to her.

On my wedding day she prayed for my womb. She layed her hand on my belly and the rapid Spanish came out of her lips. She prayed for babies, more importantly she prayed for babies that would love Jesus. She loved her children, grand children, and great-grand children so very much. Even before she met my children she adored them. She prayed for their salvation before they were even conceived.

Her life and love was a true testament to what Gods love is all about. We never had a conversation in the same language. We had the most perfect relationship in my mind. We didn't know about each other's flaws, or personality quirks. We just simply had love for each other. We only knew each other through Gods love. The language that surpasses all understanding. The Love that binds hearts and connects people. The Love that forgives, saves, and conquers death.

 She passed today to dwell in the presence of the Almighty and to recieve her complete healing. 

Abuela Ica, 

Thank you for always showing me Gods love. I may never have fully understood your words, but I understood the language of Heaven that spoke so loudly in your life. Jesus was the most important person in your life. Therefore you had endless love to give everyone around you. I see your love and passion in my daughters and I will never let them forget the legacy you gave them. Although you leave this world with a humble little home, second hand clothes in your closet, and a some pesos in the bank, you have left us with the greatest inheritance of all. Something more valuable than money and jewels. The Love of Jesus Christ. I am honored to be a part of your legacy and promise to never let it go. I am honored to be a part of your family.

We are happy that your body in no longer suffering, and that you are pain free and whole, but we will long to see you again in heaven one day. No doubt you and my grandma Nadine are worshipping at the feet of God together. Thank you for your Love that I always understood and heard so loud and clear. We love you, and miss you dearly.

We hold on to these photos even tighter today! 

Abuela and I at my wedding, 2006

Abuela y Pablito 

Abuela Ica and Bella meet for the first time in Argentina, 2008

Cooking for us in her kitchen that her husband built for her.

Meeting the twins for the first time, U.S. 2009

Holding Gabi

So proud of her nietas!

Abuelitas 80th birthday celebration, September 2013. 

Pablo and Gus spending precious moments with abuelita.  Their final visit with her just last month.

Healing in Layers

I am in the tail end of my healing process after my foot ligament repair. I am on week 5 of my 6 week cast and no walking ordeal. It has been a process of patience and healing slowly. This time has left me emotional and reflective on many topics. One of them, healing. The healing processes is interesting, and very layered. And it takes a lot time. Something I have heard for years. Soon after my grandmother died people told me that time will make it better and I heard the same after a breakup with a boyfriend, and it felt like I would never get over it. They would say that time can heal all wounds. Though I know that God can heal, and heal quickly, he also allows us to grieve and walk through the healing process in our own time. We cannot go from hurt to quick healing because there are so many things we learn and need to address along the way. But Jesus helps us through each step. I wish I could be walking right now, but my ligament needs time to heal before it can be used again.

This physical healing has been many steps and layers. First was the post-op recovery, just trying to get over the meds and trauma that any surgery comes with. The wound is still bleeding and swollen. And much like any emotional trauma in life, this is the hardest stage. I can think of so many times in my life, or examples in others' lives that this can be related to. A death, a breakup, divorce, or betrayel. The initial shock after these experiences are hard and often leave us sick, crying, and laid up in bed for a while. 

Then comes the baby steps to recovery. I got my cast on the week after surgery, and was still in so much pain. Any movement or tug was so painful. When the heart has been wounded, it too is sensitive and raw. Any memory or word can inflict pain and tears so easily. So many freedoms we once knew are now lost. For me physically it's walking and getting around on my own. Similarly, after a death or break up we can't hug the person we love so much. We lose the freedom to see them, to talk to them, or tell them how much they mean to us. 

I am now getting more comfortable. It's a "proceed with caution" stage. I still have my limitations, but I feel more comfortable to leave the house more often and move around on my scooter and crutches. Like the heart, it's a tender balance between building strength, but still knowing that you aren't fully healed. Pushing it too much would only lead to more pain and discomfort. 

Next week I will finally be free of my cast, but I will recieve a walking boot in its place. Another layer to my healing. Physical therapy will then begin and the healing process will continue. Only time can make my injury better. And only time can help heal the heart.

Then there will be a scar. I will have a mark on the foot forever, reminding me of the pain and healing process I had to endure in order to get healthy. Our hearts have scars. And the twinges of pain may never be fully gone. I learned this last night.  Ten years after my grandma Nadine's death I learned that the twinge of pain is still there. Of course I miss her daily, but I felt the pain of her loss again last night. My grandfather has sold their house, the house he designed built for his beloved wife Nadine. This was the last place she called home. It was the place where we spent many holidays, family dinners, and visits with her. So saying goodbye to her home was difficult. And some pain crept back in, and the healing process after her death continues, even after all these years. But it was a good time with family, and her closest friends as we shared memories of my grandmother. My Gabriella Nadine even begged for a walk down the coldesac in her neighborhood. Which I learned last night was one of grandmas favorite activities as she got sicker from cancer. So sweet and special that my Gabi, grandmas namesake, wanted to do that activity on our last visit there. Just like grandmas last days there.

 

Gods timing is perfect. He knows how to heal and when to heal. His timing, and slow healing in our lives is no mistake. And there is so much hope in the healing process. Hope to one day walk. Hope to be a better more compassionate person after we heal. So then we can one day help others as they go down the road to healing also. 

I painted this picture so I could visualize the layers of healing. There are bumpy textures, layers with scales and cracks, barbed wire and locks. The wounded heart heals in layers and time. Something I wish happened quickly, but can sometimes take months, or years. 

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. (Psalm 30:2 NIV)