Picking Up the Pieces

It's been a tough week. I've been watching my sweet little guy Max, and my dad went into the hospital for a hip replacement, ouch. I think I have said this fifty times in my blog, but I am a worrier. I worry about it all. Worry is my cryptonite. It often leaves me defenseless and without any superhero powers. Dang it. I really need those. But regardless I have been as strong as I can through this difficult time for my family members. Feeling as though I need to help clean up and pick up this mess someone else has left.

My dad has been in the hospital for 3 days and my sweet mom stopped in to make me lunch Tuesday. She would, she takes good care of me! Her entrance was similar to a busy little tornado off to her next stop. On her frantic way in and out to get to the hospital she dropped her glass container...blam! Shattered. All over the floor. From chunks of glass to small itty bitty tiny flakes. It spread to all corners of the kitchen. She, of course, swept it up and I followed with the vacuum. Isnt that the worst? When suddenly it slips out of your hand, you find yourself in slow mo saying "Noooooooo" in the slow mo voice, of course.

But what if she had left? What if my mom dropped this glass and left wanting, no, expecting me to pick up the pieces?

I feel as though someone came into my life dropped a glass and left for me to clean it all up. I have to quickly pick up the pieces before someone gets hurt. I have to be strong and careful as to not get cut.

Help me to be strong God. But also help me to let you clean up the mess. Along with being a worrier, I'm a fixer. So as I sit up at 12:04 am worrying about the mess, I am also trying to fix the mess. Bottom line, I can't. People are gonna get hurt, weather it is a small wound, or a deep wound from a sharp piece. There is nothing I can do but pray that God takes care of me an the precious ones involved.

Help me let go God, help me to let you what you do best..and mend the broken.

Isaiah 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

The light In the darkness

As I sit on the back patio listening to the distant siren, I can hear a cricket in the garden and my children discuss which book to read for bedtime as they scurry inside... I have peace. I have a kitchen full of dishes and a floor that desperately needs cleaning I looked for a bit of serenity. My children were running around with their lanterns tonight and as I looked on I found it. My girls were the only thing I could make out in the dark. It's getting darker earlier...boo!

But after a whirlwind of a few weeks, with a range of emotions...sadness, anger, regret, depression....I feel as though I am I'm the eye of my storm. It's calm for now, but I fear that soon the rest of the chaos will soon come and thrash me around a bit. Yet, for the moment I have peace and I see the light in the darkness.

God has never promised an easy life, but He did promise to always be there. I'm so thankful for that. As my children ran inside, they left their lanterns on the table in front of me. They were gone, but their lights remain. Although People or situations are dark, I have to leave a light shining bright. An impression of light if you will. I pray every night that my children would "shine with the love of Jesus all the days of their lives". Even at their young age, my little lights leave a little glimmer of hope in everyone's life they meet. Not because of who they are, (I mean they are no doubt the cutest), but because they have the love of Jesus. They stop people dead in their tracks, daily. Love shines from them lights beacons in the dark. It's truly mind boggling sometimes.

May my light also be powered by the One and only true source of light and love. Help me to shine in the darkness God, to make it through the next storm.

"so that you may become blameless and pure, children ofin a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:15 (one of my favorites)

Mind The Gap

Mind the Gap, no not the Gap that sells overpriced yet extremely adorable kids clothes. But rather the gap that exists between the platform and the train. The place you jump over to get onto the subway. Know what I'm talking about? The London Olympics have inspired this analogy! I am going to have a lot more time on my hands now that it is over!

Now, I don't live close to the London Underground, or even take the light rail that is yards from my house. I'm all for the comfort of my own car, personally. We drove to California last month, instead of flying, because who can afford to buy 5 airplane tickets, right? Well, some people can...we can't, ha! The plus to driving to the coast was that we got to pack the crap out of our car. This was an adventure we needed to take. In a very odd season of our lives we took a risk and went! much needed family time! But on the way home from our amazing trip I had that feeling. You know that feeling when you feel like something is wrong? Or you forgot something? I didn't leave a kid in California...so what was it? I blew it off to just being sad about leaving our vacation.

But after a day or two home I still had that pang in my stomach like I was about to hear bad news, or like I was gonna fall. After talking to my BBFF she encouraged me to pray about it and that maybe God was preparing my heart for something.

Sure enough, soon after that we had a big something happen to the family.

There it was, the gap.

I was de-railed. And to be honest, weeks after this event, I am still derailed. People close to me are going through difficult times. I am sitting in that gap between that solid steady ground, and the train that is about to embark onto the next destination. But in that gap I feel God slowly pulling me out, and the more I look upward the closer I am to getting on the train to move on. And I can't wait for that next stop...I don't want to miss it.

So the next time you get that feeling, mind the gap. Beware of that small dark tiny place you could fall into. God might be preparing you for a fall. Other times we get to hop over those tough moments, by Gods grace alone, and head over to the next stop. But other times He allows us to be in the difficult situations so we can look up at Him to be our strength.

So listen to the Holy Spirit, and mind the gap!

3, 6, 9, 12

Okay, I'm not OCD, but I hate odd numbers. They bug me. I make a point to put an even number of ice cubes in my glass! I don't like uneven things. I'm all for symmetrical things. In fact, my favorite number has always been 8. Its not only even but it also looks nice and even. Symmetrical! Love it. I always told Pablo I wanted 4 kids, and here we are with 3! Guess I have to have another! Jk. But with 3 children I have to buy uneven things. 3 shirts, 3 bows, 3 dolls. And I am always looking at packages of food, juice boxes, stickers, etc, to make sure it comes with enough for them each to have one. 3, 6, 9, 12. I just packed juice boxes for our trip to California. They come 10 a box dang it. Yes, we are off on an adventure! I will blog on that later!

I was sitting in bed the other night with these numbers bouncing around in my head, preventing me from sleep. Some even, some odd. I finally made some order of it, and realized the importance these play in my life right now.

3! My babies are 3!!! Cannot emphasize enough how sad this makes me! But also how much I love my little three year olds. They indeed have changed my life since the moment they were first in my womb! I am sad because the last three years have been a whirlwind. A crazy blur of diapers, hugs, cries and kisses. Three is a fun age and I'm so in love with my beautiful THREE year olds!!!

6! This Monday Pablo and I will be celebrating our 6th year of marriage! Another one of those, "how?" milestones! How did we get from the giggly, kissey, young newlyweds to the early to bed, stressed, and barely even date married veterans? It has been such an amazing journey! But I must say I am glad to be out of our 5th year and onto the next year! This year has been one of the hardest years of marriage yet! You would think that the year our twins were born would have been? Nope. It was year 5! Who would have thought. But here we are, into year six! Stronger than ever and very much respecting couples who make it to 50 years and beyond! Props. Happy sixth anniversary babe!!!!!!

9! I met my hubby nine years ago, during a time in my life that I was searching, looking, longing. I was coming out of a very wild time in my life. I was looking for God again, realizing He had never left. Even when I has turned from Him, he stood with me the entire time. Nine years ago I decided I was done running from Jesus and wanted to run towards Him. All the drugs, alcohol, and men couldn't fill the void I had. I returned to what I knew as a child. My first love. I believe God also gave me Pablo at the same time to walk along beside me as I put my relationship with Christ back together.

12! Twelve years since I graduated high school! Um, what?? Yes. I am that old. After turning 30 this year and now embarking on my 12th year out of high school, I feel ancient. But I could not be happier with the twelve years of growing, learning, and becoming who I am today. Here's to being an even happier person twelve years from now!

I will just leave you with this cute little number pic that I can't get enough of! My three cupcakes! My three baby girls :)

My heart longs for you!

It's been waaay too long since my last post! The last couple months have been filled with cakes, graduation parties and the pool! YES, the pool is finally open :) We are pool rats.

LateIy, I find myself longing. As a mom I am happy to simply pee alone, let alone have any time alone. I have nothing to complain about, I have healthy kids, a fantastic husband, and a roof over my head. Yet, I still get stuck. Stuck in a cloudiness that consumes me. I seem to feel unfulfilled and empty. Regardless of what I try to fill it with.. My kids don't fill the void, nor my husband, money, success, food, friends, family, new clothes, the tv. It's like the cheesy saying goes, there is a God shaped hole in my heart. Well, my soul longs for the One who can fill me. When I remember that He is the One and Only who can complete me, things start to make sense.

Have you ever missed someone so much it hurts? Whether they be dead or living on earth? I have felt both this week. My grandfather is getting ready to sell his home. The place that he built for my grandmother. Cancer took her 9 years ago. It still seems like yesterday. I can remember her laugh and the way her hands look. I longed for her at her old home Sunday when we went for dinner. She is truely missed, still. I am comforted that she believed Jesus was her savior and has an amazingly grand home in heaven now! BUT, I still miss her.

I also am missin my new baby nephew Benaiah Thomas! Oh my heart longs to hold and see him! My brother and his wife live in Kansas so we are working on a visit. But until then, I am anxiously anticipating kissing his sweet cheeks!

The longing for my heavenly Father is daily, even hourly. If only I would recognize that in the moment when I feel empty. My emptiness is indeed longing for my Savior. Seek Him, He is there. He never leaves.

Oh Kim Walker's voice gets me every time. Check it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR6y4DtmmSQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And here in the new little bundle!!

Fire

It's been some time since my last blog! In the last month I have been busy baking cakes and raising my girls! That leaves little time for much else! Ha. The last few weeks have been somewhat dramatic for various reasons. Feeling like there are fires all around me. Fires in people's lives, relationships, etc. Fires in my life, with finances, with my husband, and relatives. I don't know why I am always so surprised when such events happen. I know that life will never be easy, yet when the fires and difficult things happen, it still jars me a bit!

 Last month we had a horrible forest fire here in Colorado. Although it was caused by a controlled burn gone wrong, these fires are not uncommon to our area. Three people died and many houses lost. Our dry region is always susceptible to fire. In fact, wild fires are an essential part of the forest ecosystems.  Fires actually helps make things grow back better and stronger because it gets rid of the dead things and releases new organic matter. It causes rebirth in the land.

Similar to  natural fires, our life fires cause rebirth and growth.  In the end all of the yucky stuff that was there is now gone and turned into ashes. Regardless of how they started. I have to say some fires are started by me, by my mistakes, or my big mouth. Other fires are completely out my my control, and all I can do is endure through the flames.  It reminds me of these verse:

1 Peter 1:7
Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

I am trying to keep the faith. I am enduring the flames.

Seasons

We get all four seasons here in Colorado. Which I am thankful for! Mostly...but it's this "winter thaw" that gets me. I enjoy Colorado winters, unlike my Argentina born husband. Who is currently grumbling at the snow forecast tomorrow! He would move us to Florida if I would let him!

It's almost spring. And I can hardly wait for summer! We have had a lot of snow. I've had my snow fix...now on to warmer weather now! This change is season seems to be mirroring so many things in my life. I am in a new place spiritually and physically. I am at a place where I can see some thawing but it's still cold. Spring is an "in between" season. Not cold. Not hot. Things are peeking through the ground...but no real changes can be seen yet. Just the beginning signs of change.

I hope whatever season you are in is peaceful. I pray that if you are stuck in the dead cold of winter that some thawing happens soon. Whether its in your marriage, finances, spiritual life, etc.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens" (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV)

"He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment" (Daniel 2:21 MSG)