The Bored and the Restless

As I lay in bed this evening with my leg elevated, I can hear my family in the kitchen. More specifically the father of my children is saying loudly "Open your mouth! OPEN your mouth!", oh dear. I can't go hop up and investigate because my foot is throbbing. I over did it today and got behind on my Advil/Tylenol regimine, and now I am paying for it. 

I got surgery less than a week ago to repair a torn ligament in my foot. Well, actually the doctor said it was completely severed since my MRI last spring, he couldn't believe I had been walking around in all that pain for so long. This two and a half year injury was actually more bearable than the pain I am going through right now. Although I am in physical pain from my 8 inch insicion, I am in even more pain from not being unable to walk. Unable to help, to take care of my kids, to drive, to cook, clean, bake, shower! Ugh. I must say that I am thankful this is only a 6 week ordeal, rather than having a permant disability. My heart truly goes to those who have to adjust to a new way of life, forever.

So besides the physical pain, I'm trying to figure out why this is so hard. I should be enjoying this time that I am excused from all house chores and school drop off. But I can't help but scan my surroundings even as I write, and evaluate all the things that I want to get up to do. Hang up that shirt, dust my dresser, straighten my bed, vacuum the cookie crumbs off the floor... I cannot believe how hard this is. I postponed this surgery for two and a half years because I knew it would be difficult, but I really didn't know it would be this difficult.

And not just me, Why can't we all rest? Why is our society so "GO! GO! GO!" all the time. We are in a hurry to get our kids in preschool from the moment they can walk. We hate to wait in a 5 minute line at the grocery store. Plan numerous vacations. We have to have our kids in ballet, soccer, swimming, and school clubs. On the weekends we must visit the zoo, the park, and attend all birthday parties we are invited to. But we can't even take a whole Sunday to rest. Now I am given this 6 week ticket to lay and rest. But instead I am bored and restless. My mind is busier than ever thinking about all the time I am wasting. All the cake orders I have had to turn down, and the warm weather outside that is fleeting. 

In the meantime I pray that I can settle in and rest my mind. Focus on writing, drawing, and snuggling my girls. And more importanty spend time with the One person who is truly neglected in my busyness, God. My friend told me a quote she heard once, "All satan needs to do is keep a woman busy. And his work is done".  It's so true. The precious time with our families, and with God, is so easily lost with each errand, project, and activity.

It's a time to rest, and focus on myself, and on God. 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10 NIV)

Oh and the commotion from the kitchen? My Lili somehow got a small metal birdcage from my old dollhouse stuck...wait for it....in between her two front teeth! 

Dear Us

As we embark on our 7th year of marriage, I can't help but think of all that we have learned on this short (but seemingly long) journey. I was just looking at our engagement and wedding photos and noting our innocent and joyful faces...if only I could tell you what was ahead. If I could, this is what I would tell you....

Dear Us, 

    Marriage is a lot of work. A LOT. So enjoy the honeymoon stage because it doesn't last long. Times will get tough. You will want to bash each others heads in sometimes. And it might be over the trash. But you are not the only people who fight over a sack of garbage. It happens in households all over your neighborhood. So don't let people ever make you feel like they have got it all together in their marriage. Because every couple has their struggles. From socks left on the floor, to miscommunications. So know that this work you will have to do in your relationship is not uncommon. 

You will watch each others bodies change, and not always for the better, then you will wonder what you were really attracted to physically in each other in the first place. But more than likely these physical changes just mean you are happy, well fed, and madly in love. It might even mean your body changed because you had offspring. And these little babes will add to the work, to the frustrations, to the wanting to hit one another. You will be tired, lonely, and ignoring each other because the wee ones will take all your attention and energy. But this is momentary, so embrace each other again after the babies are not so small. 

You will have a love/hate relationship with each others families. It might be hard to love them as your own family sometimes, but this is normal. Just remember neither of you would be who you are if it wasn't for them. 

You will have moments when life without each other might seem easier, but don't let go. The times that seem unbearable will be the times you learn most about each other, and yourselves. You are young and still learning about how you love, and how you communicate best. So be patient. Figure out how to be understating and gracious towards one another. Because you will both screw up. You will say things you deeply regret. 

Forgive, forgive, forgive. 

You might wake up some mornings and think, who is this person? I don't even know you at all! Why did I marry you? 

Although it will be difficult and a lot of work. The love grows. You think you love each other a lot right now on your wedding day? Just wait, it gets richer and deeper as the trials and years pass. As you say "I do"  You might think that your love for one another is big now, but it will indeed expand. You will see each others worst, and love anyway. You will argue till you cant even remember why, but you will eventually kiss and make up. Your friendship will mean even more as the years pass. You will be all each other has some days and you will learn to never take one another for granted. 

After 7 years you will wonder how you made it and where the time has gone. And you will be filled with excitement when looking ahead for the next 7 years! 

God is beside you and guiding you through this journey. Look to Him first. 

Good luck us! 

July 16, 2006

Happy Moco Mommy's Day!

This Mothers Day comes with a little bit of an attitude. I have been huffing and puffing all week because my hubby is out of town this weekend. Most Mothers Days I try to take advantage and let Pablo take care of the girls, the cooking, and the housework. This year he is off on a much needed getaway for his friend who is getting married next week (a nicer way of saying a bachelor party! Haha). With young, single, and childless men planning a weekend away, this particular weekend was no big for them. But for me, it was a little more inconvenient. Not having Pablo here this morning makes Mothers Day just like any other day for me. Which includes an early morning, fetching breakfast, wiping butts, and all that comes with parenting.  

But this morning. I had an "ah ha" moment. This morning my little Gabi said, "I have the mocos, mommy." Picked her nose. Then said, "Here are my mocos, mommy". If you know what mocos are then you know that I was handed a nice little green slimy gift from the nose....right in my hand.  That was it. That's all it took for me to realize how much I love being a mom. How little I care about holding a booger, and how it's second nature to accept one when its handed to me. I'm blessed. So very lucky. Not everyone gets to experience the ups and downs of motherhood. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm blessed times three, with healthy beautiful girls. 

So, the attitude stops here. Mother's Day in itself is the gift. Being able to say Im a mom today is the gift. Although the flowers and cards are nice. The fact that I am a mother is special, even if I don't do anything special today. 

Happy Moco Mommy's Day! I hope you get a booger! It was the best gift ever. 

Always Winter, Never Christmas

As my fellow Coloradans know, this snow season has been sparse. But in the last week, we have had a few dusting's of snow and finally today a big significant snowfall! Every morning that is has snowed Lili would wake up and say "Its Christmas!!!", and run around! After calming her each time explaining that snow doesn't mean Christmas, tears would ensue, every time!

As Mr. Tumnus says in The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, "Its always winter but never Christmas". Narnia was a cold place, a land filled with snow and ice, and lacking the hope and joy that comes with Christmas. Narnians didn't even have that exciting anticipating feeling we all get as we wait for Christmas. It was a hopeless place, filled with hopeless people.

Our world is much like Narnia at times. Even our lives can be much like Narnia at times. Some days it feels like the wind and blowing snow will never stop. The warmth of spring seems far away. The changes we long for seem so far away. The pregnancy and baby that you want and have been trying to have is yet to happen. The relationship that needs miraculous healing and restoration seems hopeless. The husband you desire, is yet to be found. There are so many things that we anticipate in life that seem like eternity before they come to fruition.

But be hopeful my friends, Christmas is coming. God has a plan. We don't live in a hopeless cold land because our Savior has come, He has conquered, and He has overcome. After the Sandyhook tragedy last week, a friend said, "the shadow proves the sunshine". Indeed it does. There is evil, and horrible things in this world. But we have the hope and promise of a new day.

My little Lili only has a few days until her Christmas is here. As for your Christmas, I know that it is coming soon! Have hope!


"It's always winter but never Christmas
It seems this curse just can't be lifted
Yet in the midst of all this ice and snow
Our hearts stay warm cause they are filled with hope"
Reliant K- In Like a Lion (Always Winter)

Flesh Fails Me

I was sick last week. Yes, the pukey kind. Which is the worst kind. That's what I get for holding and snuggling the girls right after they barf. I can't help it. But every time I am sick there is this one particular friend who always comes through for me. She does happen to live within 5 minutes of me, which helps, but she ALWAYS brings me soup, sprite, whatever. I have faith that she will come through for me . I have many friends that I know I can trust and put faith into for many things in my life.

Yet, recently I have discovered that my instincts and heart can fail me. People fail me. I found that I too often trust people. I get close and then get disappointed, even badly hurt. This can happen with friends, family, and even my spouse.

I have recently taken a little too much interest in the political battle. One fight in particular pulls at my heart strings. Those of you who know my love for babies, can guess what issue. But both sides of this election disappoint, and lead us in the wrong direction. Neither are an answer to prayer for our nations gigantic problems, in my opinion. So I'm trying not to put a bunch of faith into a president. Whomever he may be.

And also a recent story in the news. Jessica Ridgeway. How sad. How so so sad. Humankind failed her, breaks my heart. How can this happen! How can a human being do such a thing?? Making it impossible for any parent to have any comfort and peace.

A friend of mine has a stepson who is rebelling, bad. Wreaking havoc on his home full of little ones and parents who love him. He doesn't even know the things that he is doing.

Intentionally or not, people hurt people. People disappoint me. My family will, my friends, and even my dashingly handsome almost perfect husband.

Bottom line we are all human. We all have faults, we will all disappoint. We all fall short.

I don't know about you, but everything around me in this world is terrifying. The things people are capable of are shocking. But I have to love people, but put my faith in God, or my heart will be broken every time! Last night I felt as though I was carrying the weight of so many people's problems. Then I read this:

Jeremiah 17:5-10
This is what the Lord says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. "But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve."

The List

It's 11:50pm and I just sat down for the first time all day. Except for maybe using the potty? I'm not sure if I even did that! I am blogging to unwind and collect my thoughts for the day. I have my lists for the week at my bedside and not much has been crossed off for the day. Yes, more than one list.  Its one of those weeks where you have a few of them going. Mine are titled: Kings, Sams, Hobby Lobby, Cakes, Safeway, Bella's bday, and then the miscellaneous one that collects all my other random thoughts and have to's. I am also about to make another list for Pablo, entitled the "Honey Doo Doo list". He doesnt have to attend the 5 year old Barbie party this weekend so he gets to clean the bathrooms for me! Hence the "doo doo" part of the the honey do list! Hee hee. I'm thankful he is always more than willing to do that dirty job.

After knocking out 3 of my 4 lists for the week by Thursday, I felt somewhat accomplished. I even rewarded myself with some flowers at King Soopers. They had Gladiolus for $1.25 a bunch! Any color you would want. I went ahead with the white, and Bella liked the pink ones too. But I felt like I should grab one more. I walked away and then felt God telling me to still grab another. With 3 long bunches of flowers at home I felt confused but loved looking at them nonetheless. And shoved them in a vase and set them aside for arrangements later.

I had another sub list to my ongoing miscellaneous list that said "nap time". As you can imagine this was what I had planned to accomplish in the short hour and a half I got to myself while the girls slept. I may have been a little too optimistic in my list for that short time, but hey, worth a shot.

First on the list, make sugar cookie dough. Got that done, check. After cleaning up the kitchen I walked outside to take out the trash and I ran into my elderly neighbor. We chatted for what seemed like a moment. We talked about her garden, what books she just read, how much she loves Obama and hates Mitt, her medical bills, and then how her grown divorced daughter living with her is having a hard time.  Then suddenly her daughter arrived home early from work. Tears in her eyes trying to hold it all back she explained what a bad day she had. Her boss shorted her hours on her paycheck to top it off, and she was emotional. After a long hug she spilled the rest to me with a short conversation. Then I heard a, "hi mommy", Lili found me outside with her blankie in tow.

After going back inside with Lili, I walked into the kitchen and saw the extra bunch of flowers. Aaaaaaah, clarity. That's what they were for. That's WHO they were for. Once again Gods intentionality blows my mind.

God had a list for me today. On His list I was supposed to buy flowers, check. Give them to my neighbor, check. And just give the love of Jesus to her today, CHECK.  I feel so accomplished when I think of it that way. But when I look back on my list of 5 other unaccomplished tasks from nap time, I feel like I got nothing done. But those are all things that will get done. The flowers were on Gods list for me today.

I cant help but think how many other things God had on my list today that I may not have done. What other things does He have for me to do tomorrow? Its way more exciting than buying paper towels at the Safeway $5 Friday sale that's for sure!

God help me to listen to your gentle instruction for my day, help me to accomplish your lists tomorrow and always. Use me to accomplish your tasks! I want to make checks on your list, and to love people like you love them!

I Got This

Do you ever find yourself going through life, doing the day to day, managing the ups and downs, coping with stress the best way you know how? Even on the hard days I handle it and roll with the punches. "I got this, I got this". Until it is just simply too much to bare. The heaviness of life brings me down and guess what, "I don't got this, God!" These moments have been happening a lot lately. From family crises to my little girl fracturing her arm.

Yes, as you know from my Facebook Lili took a fall from a tree. She likes to run around with her older sister and forgets that she is much younger and smaller. My little go getter started walking at 7 1/2 months, (not joking) and hasn't slowed down much since. She is a talker, singer, dancer, climber and runner. As well as faller. We counted her scrapes, scabs, and bruises while we waited at Urgent care yesterday. There was a good 15. She doesn't do things slowly. If we are walking to the pool, she runs. When we have nap time she sleeps the bare minimum. She is my early bird and short napper. She eats fast, and is opposite of her twin in all of this! But all of these wonderful things have their down falls....literally!

Lili bird took to climbing this small tree in our back yard just this past week. She didn't go far up, and the tree itself is more of a bush then a tree. But after many talks about her being careful and my reluctance to let her climb, sometimes there just isn't any stopping her! She managed to dangle from a branch and at some point came to that point of "I don't got this, help!" moment. Big sister Bella was there, but at 4 years old, catching her sister did little but break her fall as they both tumbled.

I can't believe I wasn't there, that I didn't hear her cries for help. I wish I would have had a better eye on her.

Thankfully God always has an eye on us. So when I have those, "I don't got this" moments, my Dad has "got it" for me. Phew, He always is there for these moments of weakness and need. Now, relying on Him for every moment and every need is something I have to work on. I can't even take the little things on alone because those are one of the main things that break me!

I got this God, but only with your help!

Psalm 26:1
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.


"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."