Picking Up the Pieces

It's been a tough week. I've been watching my sweet little guy Max, and my dad went into the hospital for a hip replacement, ouch. I think I have said this fifty times in my blog, but I am a worrier. I worry about it all. Worry is my cryptonite. It often leaves me defenseless and without any superhero powers. Dang it. I really need those. But regardless I have been as strong as I can through this difficult time for my family members. Feeling as though I need to help clean up and pick up this mess someone else has left.

My dad has been in the hospital for 3 days and my sweet mom stopped in to make me lunch Tuesday. She would, she takes good care of me! Her entrance was similar to a busy little tornado off to her next stop. On her frantic way in and out to get to the hospital she dropped her glass container...blam! Shattered. All over the floor. From chunks of glass to small itty bitty tiny flakes. It spread to all corners of the kitchen. She, of course, swept it up and I followed with the vacuum. Isnt that the worst? When suddenly it slips out of your hand, you find yourself in slow mo saying "Noooooooo" in the slow mo voice, of course.

But what if she had left? What if my mom dropped this glass and left wanting, no, expecting me to pick up the pieces?

I feel as though someone came into my life dropped a glass and left for me to clean it all up. I have to quickly pick up the pieces before someone gets hurt. I have to be strong and careful as to not get cut.

Help me to be strong God. But also help me to let you clean up the mess. Along with being a worrier, I'm a fixer. So as I sit up at 12:04 am worrying about the mess, I am also trying to fix the mess. Bottom line, I can't. People are gonna get hurt, weather it is a small wound, or a deep wound from a sharp piece. There is nothing I can do but pray that God takes care of me an the precious ones involved.

Help me let go God, help me to let you what you do best..and mend the broken.

Isaiah 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

The light In the darkness

As I sit on the back patio listening to the distant siren, I can hear a cricket in the garden and my children discuss which book to read for bedtime as they scurry inside... I have peace. I have a kitchen full of dishes and a floor that desperately needs cleaning I looked for a bit of serenity. My children were running around with their lanterns tonight and as I looked on I found it. My girls were the only thing I could make out in the dark. It's getting darker earlier...boo!

But after a whirlwind of a few weeks, with a range of emotions...sadness, anger, regret, depression....I feel as though I am I'm the eye of my storm. It's calm for now, but I fear that soon the rest of the chaos will soon come and thrash me around a bit. Yet, for the moment I have peace and I see the light in the darkness.

God has never promised an easy life, but He did promise to always be there. I'm so thankful for that. As my children ran inside, they left their lanterns on the table in front of me. They were gone, but their lights remain. Although People or situations are dark, I have to leave a light shining bright. An impression of light if you will. I pray every night that my children would "shine with the love of Jesus all the days of their lives". Even at their young age, my little lights leave a little glimmer of hope in everyone's life they meet. Not because of who they are, (I mean they are no doubt the cutest), but because they have the love of Jesus. They stop people dead in their tracks, daily. Love shines from them lights beacons in the dark. It's truly mind boggling sometimes.

May my light also be powered by the One and only true source of light and love. Help me to shine in the darkness God, to make it through the next storm.

"so that you may become blameless and pure, children ofin a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:15 (one of my favorites)

Mind The Gap

Mind the Gap, no not the Gap that sells overpriced yet extremely adorable kids clothes. But rather the gap that exists between the platform and the train. The place you jump over to get onto the subway. Know what I'm talking about? The London Olympics have inspired this analogy! I am going to have a lot more time on my hands now that it is over!

Now, I don't live close to the London Underground, or even take the light rail that is yards from my house. I'm all for the comfort of my own car, personally. We drove to California last month, instead of flying, because who can afford to buy 5 airplane tickets, right? Well, some people can...we can't, ha! The plus to driving to the coast was that we got to pack the crap out of our car. This was an adventure we needed to take. In a very odd season of our lives we took a risk and went! much needed family time! But on the way home from our amazing trip I had that feeling. You know that feeling when you feel like something is wrong? Or you forgot something? I didn't leave a kid in California...so what was it? I blew it off to just being sad about leaving our vacation.

But after a day or two home I still had that pang in my stomach like I was about to hear bad news, or like I was gonna fall. After talking to my BBFF she encouraged me to pray about it and that maybe God was preparing my heart for something.

Sure enough, soon after that we had a big something happen to the family.

There it was, the gap.

I was de-railed. And to be honest, weeks after this event, I am still derailed. People close to me are going through difficult times. I am sitting in that gap between that solid steady ground, and the train that is about to embark onto the next destination. But in that gap I feel God slowly pulling me out, and the more I look upward the closer I am to getting on the train to move on. And I can't wait for that next stop...I don't want to miss it.

So the next time you get that feeling, mind the gap. Beware of that small dark tiny place you could fall into. God might be preparing you for a fall. Other times we get to hop over those tough moments, by Gods grace alone, and head over to the next stop. But other times He allows us to be in the difficult situations so we can look up at Him to be our strength.

So listen to the Holy Spirit, and mind the gap!