Yesterday was a birthday party filled Saturday, with NO NAPS. Well, there was some sleeping here and there in the car, but my girls need beds in order to function. So, you can see where this is heading. Pablo was gone for the evening so I have to do the dinner/clean-up/jammies/chaos/bedtime alone. Never fun. After finally getting the twins to bed, I started a movie for Bell and got a much needed shower in. Bella and I hunkered down in bed for some Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Only to hear Lili screaming through the monitor. Ugh. Of course! So I go in a few times to try to calm my little peanut. Each time loosing more and more patience. Gabi would just sit up and stare at her sister with the look "Sis, go to sleep already". Clearly L was overly tired from lack of a nap and couldn't calm. After an hour of patting, singing, shushing, and tiptoeing around the nursery I had my meltdown too! I crawled in bed, frizzy hair, soar throat (woke up yesterday feeling sick), SO tired, frustrated and overwhelmed. I look over and Bella is in my jewelry, tangling up chains and making a mess! Aaaaaand over the edge I went! I cried into my hands for a few moments. Isabella looked at me with shock, I tend to hide these moments from my children. She then burst into tears and hugged me saying she is sorry for making me sad! Breaking my heart! I told her it wasn't her fault and that I was just tired and felt like a bad mommy. It was one of those days when you feel like all you did was yell and did crowd control! We sobbed a moment together, then she asked, "Can we call daddy?". I said ok, and asked why? "We need a new mommy!" I said "What? You don't want me?" She replied, "You're broken!"and hugged me tightly!
Yes, my daughter wanted to replace me! She just wanted me fixed! It hurt a moment, but out of her 3 year old mouth she actually spoke wisdom. She saw my brokenness and knew I needed to be fixed! There are so many times a day, that I need to seek newness in order to go on. A new attitude, a new outlook, a new voice (not the yelling one), and a new goal.
We woke up to several inches of glorious powder this morning! It was beautiful! I love the snow for so many reasons! I think my favorite reason is how snow makes everything new, shiny, white. The dead old trees and grass are blanketed in white marshmallow like fluffiness. I love it! Thank you Jesus for making me new, everyday, every moment! Without God I would be dead and ugly, with Him I am fresh and NEW!!!
"And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new." Rev 21:5
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