Side of Guilt

Twenty one months after the twins were born, I finally had my first night away from them last night! With Bella I think we went to a hotel without her when she was 6 months! Don't worry, we didn't leave her home alone, she was with my mom. :) The babies and Bella also stayed with my parents last night. I don't have to worry about them there, knowing their needs will be met, they will have fun, and most importantly they will be safe! Yet, with all this considered I cant help but still feel guilty about leaving them.

When I used to think about being a mom I don't remember thinking "I want to be a mom, and don't forget the side of guilt please!" I am not sure what it is, but I feel guilty about a lot of things with my children. I feel bad if I have to leave them with people for a long period of time, even if its with my husband. I feel horrible if I don't feed them enough fruit or veggies, if they sat in a wet diaper too long, or went to bed late! Don't get me wrong, I am not consumed with these emotions constantly, but I do feel a slight pinch in my heart if I am not totally meeting my girls needs!

My sister in law just gave birth last night to my adorable and very early nephew Maximus! (hence the girls sleeping out, we were at the hospital) He is teeny tiny and cannot be held yet. My sis in law told me that she feels so awful that she cant hold him and feed him yet. All this because he is in an incubator with tubes, clearly not her fault and there is nothing she can do about it but wait! My point being, she has been a mom for barely a day and already feels guilt! She will be a great mommy.

I am coming away from this reflection trying to think in a different way. I have to find that place where I can let people take care of them without feeling like I am a burden. I hate making people feel put out or like I am unloading my kids on anyone, but I need to get away from them more often!

So....anyone want to babysit tomorrow? Just kidding!